Dr Bungga – I seem to have an addiction to Phuket Bars & Girls

I have a problem that I hope you can provide help with. I have been to Phuket 3 times in the last 2 years for about five months total. Every time I come too Phuket I tend to lose control of myself sexually and financially. I figure in 5 months I’ve spent about 25,000 US dollars, roughly 1 million baht. When I come home I find myself longing to be back in Phuket. Do you think this is common amongst farang or is a problem for me? My friends have never been to Thailand, and they do not understand. If you could get your comment on this I would appreciate it very much.

Signed,

Andy missing Ja, Noi + all those little muffins from Isaan.

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Randy Bungga Replies

Ah, Phuket! The lush hills, imposing limestone cliffs, inviting white sand beaches, and the irresistable charms of thousands of smooth-skinned bargirls with mono-syllabic names!

Rest assured, my friend, that you are not the first red-blooded male to succumb to these fiendish temptations. I myself have, at various times of my rather eventful life, fallen head-over-heels for Thai bargirls, variously named Pha, Non, Bee, Tin, Ai, Cho, Goo, Jing, Ling, Lung, Maa, Na, Pee, Waa, and Gertrude (the latter was a mistake of inebriation and turned out to be a dutch holidaymaker).

The best advice I can give you is to follow the example of my good friend, that rascal Prof. Wickes, whose lustful penchant for brown-skinned babes is balanced by an unworldly tight-fistedness. His modus operandi is to get as drunk as is humanly possible, and then wait until the very end of every night to pick up the charity cases who would otherwise be left untouched – girls with short necks, eye patches, limbs missing, jutting lower jaws, scars, scabs, hair loss, malodorous genitalia, and the like. This kind of girl will not only be happy to accept his less than prodigious manhood, but will actually be grateful for a bed for the night in a cheap hotel and the bus fare home.

Follow the Professor’s example and save yourself bundles of cash that could be better spent on purchasing one of my books, such as the soon-to-be-published “I Fell In Love With A Thai Hooker: Extraordinary Tales Of Men Without Willpower And The GoGo Girls Who Stole Their Hearts and Wallets” which will be available soon in all good bookstores, conveniently priced at $25,000 (or roughly 1 million Baht).

Good luck!