Potions & spells – I think I had one placed on me.

Doc, could use your help. I am a retired grunt (& Vietnam Vet) living in Angeles City Philippines. I was informed that this girl i have been living with in the Philippines has paid to have a love spell cast on me. Apparently, it’s possible here, I read about it over on the Yahoo site:

These love spells are called in Filipino as “gayuma”, which are love potions that some Filipinas use. They place those potions in their lovers drink and then they give it to them. Once the lover drinks it, they will fall in love for a certain number of years, until the spell disappears and the one who has been under spell would have extreme anger, hostility, and rage toward the one who had placed them under spell.
There is also a mangkukulam (witch) who possess extreme powers. Oddly, all the incantations are in Latin. I don’t think they teach Latin in these parts.

Anyway, here is my problem. I’m sure the spell was cast a few weeks ago (my GF admitted it to me just now), and since then, I seem to have developed unusual feelings for her deaf-mute cousin (35 yrs old). For the first time in years, I wake up hard (without the use of Viagra) thinking about the cousin. So, do I go for it and get even with the bitch for casting the stupid spell in the first place?

Albert

Randy Bungga Advices Albert:

Albert,

You have stumbled on a common problem, my friend! Yes, few would believe it, but wicked witchcraft is alive and kicking in certain parts of the world, and nowhere more prevalent than amongst Filipinas in need of love!

Fortunately for you, I suspect you are a chronic drunk, in which case the spell will have had little effect. The same thing actually happened to me about 10 years ago, when I got caught in a pincer movement of evil incantations thrown by a Cambodian Princess and a Vietnamese stripper… but with the bum’s best luck the evil spirits couldn’t take my own cocktail of boozy spirits and they bounced back onto the girls in question. One lost her mind and jumped off a small cliff (breaking her ankle quite badly, I hear) while the other fell in love with the pole around which she danced every night. I think his name was Wawrzyniec, or some other Polish conundrum.

But that part is not important right now: what matters most is that in your current case, the malevolent plan seems to have backfired badly on your girlfriend, and I mean backfired more than the usual nicturnal flatulence she probably has to suffer from your overweight rump!

I’m often quoted as saying that “love is a many splendoured thing”, and it is. It’s also a wonderful, unpredictable staple of human life. So, when Love’s Shadow falls across your path, you mustn’t let it slip past you. True, your feelings for her cousin may be voodoo-induced, but the fact that your withered old pencil can now stand unassisted at the thought of creeping up behind the poor deaf girl means that you must transfer your affections immediately. My advice: learn the International Sign Language code for “I have a small but well-formed erection with which I would like to pleasure you good lady” and get on with your life.

Good Luck!

Randy B