Doc – I need some advice on mixing booze and sex

Dear Doc Randy.

I have a problem that I could use some help with. I don’t feel like sex with the Mrs unless I’m drunk, but if I’ve consumed enough booze (and even if watched Missy Does KL), I can’t stay hard? Any tips for me?

Sincerely,
Vincent

Dr. Bungga Replies:

Worry not! Your problem is not uncommon. Looking at your issue logically, you need to do one of three things:

1) Find a way to have intercourse with your wife while sober. Try a style where you do not have to see her face – doggy works well. As my good friend The Frechman says: “Every face has it’s position!” Otherwise total darkness or a paper bag on her head (or, to play safe, both) might make the deed more palatable.

2) Find a way to maintain your erection even after a few drinks. One option would be what is known in the adult entertainment trade as a “fluffer”, which is typically someone to keep the male lead hard in the build up to a scene or in between shoots. In your case, this might be the last drink in a place where luscious young ladies massage your testicles lovingly while you sip a cold one. Just be sure not to reach climax, then run home in the hope that your arousal will last long enough to perform your husbandly duties. Alternatively, try drinking different kinds of alcohol – beer and whisky might make you droop, but rum and tequila should put some lead in the old pencil (they always work for me).

3) Get a divorce and marry someone more attractive!

Good luck!