Porn Addiction
Dear Randy ..
Do you think this is a problem? If so, what should I do about it: I’m a bit of a hermit (do they even use that word anymore?), and find it hard to meet normal women. I’ve tried Internet dating, but only ever met desperate middle-aged ladies with huge attitudes and chips on their shoulders. I know I should get out and meet a real lady instead of staying home, surfing the internet for new porn movies, and eating Pizza. But its too easy.. I can’t be bothered anymore. By the way – I heard you are quite a lady’s man – do those chicks really moan when they get off? None of my ex-girlfriend ever moaned.
Chuck
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Dear Chuck,
Let me address your problem on several levels, firstly by answering each of your questions/points in turn:
1) Yes, it’s a problem. People only write to me with problems, and, since you have chosen to write to me, what you have here must be a problem.
2) Not many people outside of remote Scottish villages and the close-knit circles of Cornish fishermen use the word “Hermit” anymore. Try to update your vocabulary with something more likely to attract a willing (and real flesh & blood) partner.
3) There’s no such thing as a “normal woman”. This might sound rather sexist, misogynistic even, but I can assure you that I mean it in the most complimentary of ways. The female of our species is to be celebrated for her uniqueness, that which makes her different even from her own kind, and which brings us weak men to want to have as many of them as possible during our all-too-short lifetimes. In fact, those who stick to the same woman their entire life will find the opposite: that their lives always seem rather too long. Applaud and enjoy the abnormality – preferably in its living and breathing form rather than in lewd pictures on the internet.
4) There’s nothing wrong with desperate middle-aged ladies. In fact, sometimes they are the best. Younger specimens are rarely desperate, and require more effort. Older ones are desperate, but rather dry.
5) The root of your problem may lie in pizza. You are probably obese and find it difficult to carry yourself too far from your couch. No woman will want you like this. Try a few salads.
6) Yes, I reluctantly admit that I am something of what you call “A Ladies Man”. Some of my conquests moaned when they got off, some when they got on, some when I refused to take them shopping.
7) I find it increasingly difficult to believe that you have ever had a girlfriend to call “Ex-”.
Now, some free-form advice:
The internet – without doubt – is an incredible thing, invented by genius minds (I myself was involved behind the scenes, but am rarely credited with my valuable contribution). However, as it has evolved, a strange paradox has emerged – the wonderful, world-wide web, created by the greatest brains ever to throb on this planet, has been taken over my the most mindless cretins ever to hold a throbbing penis in their oversized hands and masturbate to foul pictures of slutty-looking women experiencing double-penetration from two midgets. I’m quite sure that you’re one of them. What ever happened to good, clean fun? Why can people not use the internet for more wholesome pleasures like researching the ancient trade routes of the Inca tribesmen rather than searching for pornography featuring latin “MILFs” who like to root?
Sometimes I despair at the sorry state of my fellow human beings!
In closing, Chuck, I suggest that you spend less time jacking off in your back room, lose some weight, forget about the porn, and go and bang as many desperate middle-aged women as will let you.
Good Luck!
Dr. Randy