Big Problem Bungga – Office Adultery; Love Her Madly
Something really bizarre happened last night doc. We were all out celebrating the closing a big merger, when one of my colleagues, a supreme being – an absolutely ravishing goddess, had a few too many drinks and started flirting with me. To make a long story short – we ended up back at my place, and, umm, well we did the deed. So what’s the problem you might ask? Well in addition to the office fling, she’s a junior colleague (I’m a senior boss), and not only is she married, but she is married to one of our biggest clients. And oh yeah, one more thing, I can’t find the condom. So how to unravel this Doc if confronted – deny everything?
Note there were many extenuating circumstances such as booze, satanic music ( I seem to remember the Door’s were playing Love Her Madly when this whole thing started), Patron tequila shots, and Mexican food. And ah, there’s one additional problem – I think the office wanker has pictures of us dirty dancing on his cell.
Signed, Troubled in Vancouver
P.S. To make even more bizarre, I swear the ghost of Jim Morrison came back last night and was watching every moment…
Dear Troubled,
Office adultery is a reality with which many people will have to grapple (literally, it seems) in the course of their careers. It’s a fact that whenever you throw men and women together in any context – but especially a working environment driven by pressure, hierarchy, and the need to succeed – the biological imperitive will eventually take over and they will find themselves rutting like wild animals and taking photocopies of their asses.
In your case there are several factors to consider:
1) She is a ravishing goddess. So, she’s hot. So of course you would root her. And of course you will probably do it again.
2) She is your subordinate. You hold a position of power. So of course you will root her again.
3) She is married to a client. Not your problem. In fact, it would have been disrespectful of you NOT to shag his wife – as if you were saying that she’s not hot. If he should ever find out and come to confront you in your office, my advice is to offer him a seat and a stiff drink, put on your CD of the Hall of the Mountain King at top volume, make disarming small talk for awhile, then stand on your desk and whip out your penis so he knows what he’s up against. Then show him the door.
4) You have misplaced the condon which you assume was used in your lovemaking act. There are many possibilities here: that you didn’t actually use one, that it was greased enough to slide under the bed, that it came off prematurely and may still be inside your fling’s vaginal cavity (perhaps a grisly discovery for hubby the next day when she goes home full of guilt and does the deed with him in a vain attempt to make amends), that she stole it as evidence or to have your semen tested for STDs or sperm count/mobility (perhaps the reason she threw herself at you is that the husband is shooting blanks?). Either way, in my experience, when there are too many possibilities, it’s better to forget them all, whistle something cheerful under your breath, and go for a sandwich.
5) Extenuating circumstances. Sadly, these never tend to stand up in a court of law as well as your “old boy” did last night. Facts such as video footage, and a rubber filled with your jism will supercede claims such as “I was drunk”, “It was the tequila”, “There must have been some peyote in that Maxican food”, “the devil made me do it through the music of Judas Priest”. or “It was Jim Morrison’s ghost, I swear”.
6) She’s hot. You’d better do it again.
To cut a long story short, you’ve managed to shit where you eat, with a married woman, and the wife of a client. As my good friend, The Professor, is often heard to say: This will not end well. But at least you can make the best of a bad situation by repeating the crime (several times if you can), bragging about your conquest and sharing intimate details about the lady in question with male and lesbian colleagues at the water cooler, and being prepared to confront an angry husband with the unswerving nonchalance of any man who has recently done “the funky monkey” with a hot chick.
Good luck!
Dr Randy